When a new school year starts, students dive into academics and activities, and with the excitement often comes some anxiety. So how can you help boost your child’s confidence and keep it steady? These ideas will help you support your child in putting their best foot forward, whether it is the first week of school or the middle of the year.
5 Ways to Boost Your Child’s Confidence
1. Model Positive Self-Talk
You may think your child is ignoring you, especially when you ask them to take out the trash, but they absorb a lot of what you do and say. That includes how you speak about yourself and your abilities. When a child sees a parent handle situations with positivity and confidence, they are more likely to do the same when they face challenges.
2. Use a Growth Mindset for Successes and Struggles
Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, Ph.D., developed the idea of Mindset to explain how people acquire their abilities. A person with a Fixed Mindset believes they were born with certain abilities and are stuck with that level for life, such as smart or not smart, athletic or not athletic. In contrast, someone with a Growth Mindset sees abilities as something that can grow with time, effort, and practice.
When you talk about your child’s struggles in school, remember that education is a journey, and where your child is now is not the final destination. Try phrases like “You can always improve if you keep working at it,” “Your hard work will help you go even farther,” and “Even our mistakes can teach us things.”
3. Explain What You Appreciate About Them
When you give a compliment, go the extra mile and say why. Instead of “I’m proud of you,” try “I’m proud of you because you kept trying and didn’t give up. That takes a lot of courage.” Phrases like “Good job!” show appreciation for effort, but they do not highlight why a child succeeded.
You can also expand on the statement: “I like the way you took your time answering these questions. I could tell you were thinking hard and looked up information to support your answers.”
4. Turn On Your Listening Ears
No matter where your child is in school, a few minutes each day to share successes, struggles, worries, and wishes makes a big difference. Your undivided attention helps them feel important, validated, and understood.
5. Show Gratitude
One way to keep confidence up is to show gratitude for abilities, successes, and even failures. Every moment is a chance to learn. When children see their parents model this, they take on the same outlook. For example, a grateful learner might say, “That science project didn’t turn out the way I expected, but that’s okay. I’m glad I saw what didn’t work so I can do it even better next time.”
Help Your Child Feel Loved and Secure
Raising emotionally healthy children is hard, and children need unconditional love and assurance. Here are five ways to show it.
- Physical touch: hugs, pats on the back, high-fives, or holding hands.
- Words of affirmation: praise, encouragement, and guidance. Make sure it is true and justified, because children can see right through kind words that lack heart.
- Quality time: focused attention. You can be with your kids all day and not really be with them, so put devices down and give positive eye contact and conversation.
- Gifts: the heart behind the gift matters more than its size. Avoid using gifts as payback or bribes.
- Acts of service: make their favorite meal, give a pedicure, or make their bed with a note like “Thanks for working so hard on your homework this week.”
A Note on Consistent, Calm Discipline
If you feel like you correct the same behavior over and over, consistency is the key. One of our team members recommends New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman. The book’s philosophy is that actions speak louder than words, and it includes an index of ideas by behavior. Used well, these techniques help children know they are loved unconditionally while certain behaviors are still not tolerated.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I tell if my child’s confidence is low?
Common signs include avoiding new tasks, saying “I can’t,” quitting quickly, and being very hard on themselves after mistakes. If these last or get in the way of school or friendships, talk with your pediatrician or a speech-language pathologist.
Is praise always good for confidence?
Specific, honest praise works best. Explain what your child did and why it mattered, instead of using only general phrases like “Good job.”
When should I seek outside help?
If your child’s confidence problems come with learning, communication, or anxiety challenges, an evaluation can show what support would help. See also our guide to managing big emotions and anxiety.
How ETLC Can Help
If your child’s confidence is affected by speech, language, or learning challenges, our team is here to help. Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center has locations in Johnston and North Liberty, IA, with virtual services also available.
Learn more about social skills support at ETLC or schedule a free consultation to talk with a member of our team.
You may also find these pages helpful:
- How to Help Your Child Manage Big Emotions and Anxiety
- Social Skills Activities for Kids
- 5 Ways to Boost Kids’ Confidence at Restaurants
About the Author
Sonia Strueby, M.A., CCC-SLP, is the founder of Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center. With over 25 years of experience as a speech-language pathologist, Sonia has dedicated her career to helping children overcome complex communication and academic challenges. She has advanced training and a special focus on treating dyslexia and childhood apraxia of speech, and she is passionate about providing families with a clear path to success.
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