“I don’t know if he doesn’t understand me, or if he’s just not listening.”
If you’ve ever said this, you are not alone. It’s one of the most common frustrations we hear from parents. When a child doesn’t follow a direction, it’s hard to know the cause. Are they struggling to pay attention? Are they asserting their independence? Or are they having trouble understanding what you said?
As speech-language pathologists, our first step is always to determine whether the child can understand the spoken direction. The great news is that you can practice following directions and find out what’s going on through playful, low-pressure activities.
Here are three fun ways to make following directions a game instead of a battle.
Embrace the Silly
Kids are wired for play, and nothing gets their attention like something unexpected and goofy. Giving silly directions during playtime can break through the noise and lead to genuine connection (and lots of laughter).
- Try this: While playing with blocks, say, “Can you put the blue block on your head?” With Play-Doh, try, “Roll the dough into a ball and put it on your nose!”
- Why it works: A silly command doesn’t feel like a chore. It catches your child off guard and makes listening part of the fun, not a demand.
Use Their Favorite Things
Would you be more motivated by a boring chore or a fun activity? Kids are the same way. Instead of testing their skills by asking them to do something routine (“get your shoes”), build directions into activities they already love.
- Try this: If they love art, say, “Get the green crayon and color the frog’s legs.” If they’re excited about a holiday, try, “Find the biggest present and bring it here!”
- Why it works: This taps into your child’s intrinsic motivation. When they want to do the activity, listening to the directions becomes a natural part of reaching their goal.
Be Their Play Partner
Joining your child in their play is one of the most powerful things you can do. It allows you to connect with them while also modeling how to follow directions yourself.
- Try this: While building a tower, say, “I’m putting the red block on top. Can you find a yellow block and put it on the tower next?” While coloring, try, “I’m going to color the princess’s hair purple. That’s silly! Now, can you make her crown red?”
- Why it works: When you play together, you’re a teammate, not a taskmaster. Modeling the action (“I’m putting the red block…”) shows them what to do and makes it easier to copy the action when it’s their turn.
When to Seek Help
These games are a wonderful way to practice and build skills. However, if you consistently find that your child struggles to understand even simple, one-step directions in a playful context, it might be a sign of a challenge with receptive language (how the brain processes spoken language).
If you have concerns, a speech-language evaluation can give you clarity. Getting support early can help your child build the skills they need for success.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I know if my child is ignoring me or doesn’t understand?
Try a simple, one-step direction during play, such as “Put the block on the table.” If your child follows it when it is fun and clear but not at other times, attention or motivation may be involved. If they struggle even with easy directions, understanding may be the issue.
What are signs of a receptive language problem?
Signs can include trouble following one- or two-step directions, answering questions that do not match what was asked, and relying on gestures or watching others to figure out what to do. A speech-language evaluation can tell you what is going on.
At what age should my child follow multi-step directions?
Skills build gradually. Many toddlers follow simple one-step directions, and older preschoolers and school-age children manage more steps at a time. If you are unsure whether your child is on track, a screening can give you a clear answer.
How ETLC Can Help
If your child seems to ignore directions, the cause may be understanding, not defiance. Following directions is a language skill, and it can be taught. Our speech-language pathologists can find out what is getting in the way and show you what to practice. Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center has locations in Johnston and North Liberty, IA, with virtual services also available.
Learn more about language disorder support at ETLC or schedule a free consultation to talk with a member of our team.
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About the Author
Sonia Strueby, M.A., CCC-SLP, is the founder of Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center. With over 25 years of experience as a speech-language pathologist, Sonia has dedicated her career to helping children overcome complex communication and academic challenges. She has advanced training and a special focus on treating dyslexia and childhood apraxia of speech, and she is passionate about providing families with a clear path to success.
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