Does your child become overly upset about tiny things? Do they react to a mistake or a schedule change as if it were a disaster? Understanding the size of the problem is a skill many children need to be taught. Without it, they may react to a broken pencil like it was a broken leg, which can lead to challenging behaviors at home and at school.
At Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center (ETLC), we use materials from the Social Thinking Curriculum, specifically the “Size of My Problem” created by Michelle Garcia Winner. This post explains how to teach both parts: the size of the problem and the size of the reaction.
Step 1: Teach the Size of the Problem
Children often have trouble telling the difference between a huge problem and a tiny one. To get the point across, start with extremes. A “huge” problem is a tornado going through your town. A “tiny” problem is forgetting to fill your water bottle before class. Your child needs to understand the difference between these two before you add levels in between.
Make a poster for each size of problem at home. Then read a variety of problems aloud and have your child sort each one onto a poster. You can also set up labeled containers, such as “huge” and “tiny,” and have your child drop each scenario into the right one. After that, introduce the other levels the same way, using examples that are relatable to your child.
The key is the discussion while your child sorts. For example, a math mistake is a tiny problem because it does not affect other people and it is easy to fix. Huge problems affect many people and have no simple fix.
Examples by Size
- Huge: a natural disaster like a tornado, earthquake, flood, or hurricane; getting lost; someone close to you passing away.
- Big: someone you love is in the hospital; a broken arm; a missing pet; a bad car accident.
- Medium: the flu; a big fight with a sibling; getting blood drawn or a shot; being grounded.
- Little: raising your hand and not being called on; a broken video game; waiting 30 minutes at the doctor; losing a favorite shirt; being asked to stop something you enjoy; not sitting by your best friend.
- Tiny: a mistake on a paper; a change of plans; forgetting what you were working on; losing a game; arriving late to class.
Step 2: Match the Size of the Reaction
Next, teach this rule: the size of your problem should equal the size of your reaction. Before you begin, make sure your child can sort problems by size. Then practice when your child is calm, not in the middle of a problem.
Talk about how big each reaction should be. A tiny problem gets no reaction, because it is no big deal. For a small problem, expect a small reaction, such as feeling frustrated about something with a quick fix. Medium problems call for medium reactions, like feeling upset or sad for a few minutes. Next, big problems match big reactions, such as feeling angry or upset for a few hours. Finally, a huge problem gets a huge reaction, and it may take days or weeks to get over.
You can draw each reaction at the size of its problem, or make your own visual, so the idea is clear to your child.
Use It in the Moment
Once your child understands the idea, try it during an overreaction. First, ask what size problem they are having. Next, ask whether their reaction matches the size of the problem. Then explain how big the problem seems to you based on their reaction, and remind them that it is really a small problem with a quick solution.
Frequently Asked Questions
What age is this activity best for?
Many elementary-aged children benefit, and you can simplify it for younger kids by using only huge and tiny problems. Adjust the examples to what your child knows.
My child still melts down over small problems. What should I do?
Keep practicing during calm moments, and use examples from your child’s own day. If meltdowns happen often or get in the way of school or friendships, talk with a speech-language pathologist. Our guide to managing big emotions and anxiety has more calming strategies.
Is this the same as the Social Thinking approach?
Yes. The “Size of My Problem” idea comes from Michelle Garcia Winner’s Social Thinking Curriculum, which our therapists use in sessions.
How ETLC Can Help
If your child struggles with big reactions, flexible thinking, or social skills, our speech-language pathologists are here to help. Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center has locations in Johnston and North Liberty, IA, with virtual services also available.
Learn more about social skills support at ETLC or schedule a free consultation to talk with a member of our team.
You may also find these pages helpful:
- How to Help Your Child Manage Big Emotions and Anxiety
- Think It or Say It: Teaching Social Rules
- How to Solve Social Conflicts
About the Author
Sonia Strueby, M.A., CCC-SLP, is the founder of Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center. With over 25 years of experience as a speech-language pathologist, Sonia has dedicated her career to helping children overcome complex communication and academic challenges. She has advanced training and a special focus on treating dyslexia and childhood apraxia of speech, and she is passionate about providing families with a clear path to success.
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