Written by: Sonia Strueby, M.A., CCC-SLP, Founder of Enrichment Therapy & Learning Center
Originally Published: April 18, 2017 | Updated: August 27, 2026
Anxiety is common in children and adults alike, and as a parent, your instinct to comfort and protect your child is natural. But some of the most well-meaning responses, like offering constant reassurance or helping your child avoid what scares them, can accidentally make your child’s anxiety stronger over time. Here are four things to avoid when your child is anxious, along with what to do instead.
Why Do Kids Feel Anxious?
Anxiety often shows up around new situations, uncertainty, or high expectations, whether that’s a first day of school, a test, or a social situation that feels unpredictable. Some worry is a completely normal part of childhood, and most kids feel anxious from time to time without it becoming a lasting problem.
1. Don’t Just Tell Them to “Calm Down”
When you’re upset about something, does it help when someone tells you to calm down? Probably not, and your child is the same. They already know there’s nothing to worry about, logically, but that doesn’t make the anxious feeling go away.
Try this instead: Have your child stop and take a deep breath. Let them know you understand the situation feels scary, and then work together to figure out next steps. Validating the feeling first, before problem-solving, helps your child feel heard instead of dismissed.
2. Don’t Get Stuck on “What Ifs”
It’s easy to spend too much time thinking about things that might happen. Constantly asking “What if this goes wrong?” keeps anxiety focused on an uncertain future.
Try this instead: Help your child shift from “what if” to “what is.” Focus on what’s actually happening right now, in this moment, instead of hypothetical worries about the future. If planning ahead helps, talk through a realistic plan together rather than spiraling through worst-case scenarios.
3. Don’t Let Avoidance Take Over
If your child constantly avoids the situations that cause anxiety, the anxiety doesn’t go away, it tends to grow stronger, because your child never gets the chance to learn they can handle it.
Try this instead: Help your child work toward small, manageable goals that build toward the bigger challenge. Break the situation down into steps they can handle one at a time, and consider creating a written checklist they can refer to when they start to feel overwhelmed. Having a plan in hand can make a hard moment feel more manageable.
4. Don’t Blame Yourself for Your Child’s Anxiety
Watching your child struggle with anxiety is hard. You’re not alone in this, and it is not your fault. Anxiety is common, and plenty of thoughtful, attentive parents have anxious kids.
Try this instead: Focus on what you can do together as a family, building healthy routines, practicing coping strategies, and modeling calm responses to stress yourself. Give yourself the same compassion you’d offer a friend going through the same thing.
Why Does Avoiding the Anxious Situation Make It Worse?
It can feel counterintuitive, but repeatedly facing a manageable version of what causes anxiety, rather than avoiding it altogether, is often how anxiety naturally decreases over time. According to the Child Mind Institute, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety entirely, it’s to help your child learn they can tolerate it and function anyway. Each time they face a fear and get through it, that anxiety tends to lose some of its grip.
When Should I Seek Help?
Occasional worry is a normal part of growing up. But if your child’s anxiety is showing up frequently, interfering with school, sleep, friendships, or daily routines, or comes with physical symptoms like frequent stomachaches or headaches, it’s worth reaching out for extra support. A pediatrician or licensed mental health professional can help determine what’s going on and recommend next steps. If anxiety is impacting your child’s schoolwork, focus, or executive functioning skills, our team can also help build strategies that support your child at school and at home.
We’re Here to Help
You don’t have to navigate this alone. If anxiety is affecting your child’s confidence, focus, or academic skills, contact our team at ETLC to learn how we can support your child.
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